My experience with Clomid. When the treatment becomes a battle.

There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes with fertility treatment. Not just the physical kind, but the emotional kind. The kind that creeps up on you slowly until one day you realise you don't quite recognise yourself anymore.

This was my experience with Clomid, and I'm sharing it because I think more people need to hear that the emotional side of fertility treatment is just as real and just as valid as the physical side.

Seeking Help

After my second miscarriage, I knew it was time to seek professional support. I had reached a point where I accepted that this journey wasn't something I could navigate alone anymore. The devastation was bigger than I knew how to manage and I wanted to do everything I could to avoid a third loss.

Choosing to see a specialist gave me some peace of mind. I made a conscious decision to surrender the process to the professionals and trust them to do their job.

We were referred to a gynaecologist, went in and gave our history, went through the necessary tests, and were given a path forward. I was prescribed Clomid, a medication commonly used in fertility treatment to stimulate ovulation and support the body in producing eggs during a cycle.

I was hopeful and happy to try anything that would help. We had a plan. We were doing something and I felt good.

What I wasn't prepared for was what came next.

The Rage Nobody Warned Me About

I am, by nature, a fairly calm person. Back then, I was someone who thought things through, didn't fly off the handle, and managed my emotions reasonably well.

Clomid changed that. And not in a good way.

Soon after starting the medication, I felt like a completely different person. I was angry. Not mildly irritated — genuinely, deeply, and scarily furious. All day. Every day. I wanted to smash plates, throw things, and scream as loud as I could. I felt like I was one wrong look away from bursting into tears. The people closest to me bore the brunt of it, and I felt ashamed for knowingly behaving the way I was, even though I was completely powerless to stop it.

I didn't know how to manage what I was feeling. I didn't know whether what I was experiencing was normal. And nobody had prepared me for the possibility that the medication meant to help me might make me feel like I was losing my mind.

When I went back to my gynaecologist and described what I had been going through, he confirmed that I had experienced extreme side effects from Clomid. Some women are highly sensitive to it, and I was definitely one of them.

I remember driving home afterwards and sitting with one very heavy question: could I ever go through that again? That question scared me. From my teenage years I had known I wanted to be a mum, and now the medication that was supposed to be a green light had become an obstacle all of its own.

What I Wish I Had Known

Looking back, two things would have made an enormous difference during that time.

The first is having someone to talk to who truly understood the emotional landscape of fertility treatment. Not the clinical side of it, but the messy, overwhelming, identity-shifting experience of feeling like your body and your emotions are no longer your own. A space where I could say "I wanted to smash plates today" without being looked at sideways.

The second, and perhaps most importantly, is having tools to actually manage those emotions in the moment. To understand what was happening in my body energetically when I was that overwhelmed. To know how to regulate my nervous system, release what had built up, and come back to something that felt like myself again. To have somewhere to put all of that feeling so it didn't just sit inside me, festering.

Knowing that extreme emotional responses to Clomid are a real and recognised experience would also have helped. It doesn't happen to everyone, but for those who are sensitive to medication, it can be deeply distressing. You become a version of yourself that you don't recognise, or even like. You are not dramatic. You are not weak. Your reaction is valid.

Third Time Lucky

Thankfully, I didn't have to make a decision about whether to take Clomid again. I fell pregnant, and at 41 weeks I delivered a perfectly healthy baby. I am so deeply grateful for that outcome.

But now, I also carry a lot of compassion for the frightened and lost version of me who questioned how much more she could take.

That compassion is a big part of why I do this work. Because if you are currently navigating IVF, IUI, Clomid, or any other form of assisted reproductive treatment and finding the emotional weight of it harder than you expected, I want you to know that what you are feeling is real, it is valid, and you don't have to manage it alone.

There is so much support available to you. Understanding your own energy and emotional responses is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself during this time. Having the right tools can make even the hardest days feel a little more manageable — tools to calm your nervous system when it feels like it's running on overdrive, to process the emotions that build up between appointments and test results, and to reconnect with yourself when fertility treatment has started to feel like it's taken over everything.

You are doing so much more than you give yourself credit for. Showing up for every appointment, managing the medication, riding the emotional waves, and still finding the courage to hope — that takes enormous strength. And you don't have to do it alone.